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Pregnancy: An emotional Roller Coaster

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Surprise, Surprise . . . Rebecca had yet another emotional breakdown. Well, I haven't actually had a breakdown like the previous ones where I cry for some silly reason. I'm just up one minute and down the next. I'm hoping some other people can sympathise, i hear it is a normal thing. Lets see if I can explain it a little better.
UPs
So there are days like today, where despite the pain and discomfort I am ECSTATIC! I can hardly wait to meet my little man! I wonder what he will look like. I wonder what his birthday will be. I picture Jeff holding him and my hart just melts. I honestly don't care about anything and am completely distracted all day because all I do is think about my son. It seems as though no matter what happens, this smile could not be wiped from my face.
DOWNs
And then there are days (these are MUCH more frequent) where I am just done. I'm done feeling like a huge Whale. I feel ugly, unattractive, I hate my new haircut (which was just a trim), I'm sick of being in pain all the time and wonder if the pains actually go away after I have the baby or if I'm stuck with them forever. I'm sick of going to the bathroom a zillion times a day. I hate that rolling over is the hardest thing in the world for me to do. I miss laying on my stomach. I stress about becoming a mother. Am I really ready? I cant turn back now, but why would I want to? Although I have studied and majored in The Family, I still feel inadequate. My friends say I will be so much more prepared then they were, but why don't I feel that way? Quite honestly, as excited as I am, I am even more scarred. How do you know what to do?
And then there is the added stress of Finances, how will we do it? And then the stress of fitting all of us into our teeny-tiny apartment. How will it work?
Reassurance
Then I am calmed as I think about Heavenly Father's plan for us. I KNOW He will provide a way. I KNOW He will help us. I KNOW He will guide us. And I know our families will do the same. We have been so blessed and I know that as we continue to do His will we will be ok. I guess this is where the growth begins. This is where I learn to truly trust in Him and rely on Him. This is where my prayers become more fervent and sincere.
The question I have then is . . . if I know all of these things, why am I still scared to death? It is such an odd feeling being more excited then you can possibly imagine and yet being scared to death at the same time. I guess it really is like going on a Roller Coaster, especially after it has been a while since you have been on one. As you are going up, slow and steady, you are scarred. You wonder why did I do this again! You get more and more anxious as you get closer and closer to the top and the drop. And then after you drop you experience indescribable joy and excitement. You realize it was the ride of your life and you are so grateful you took the plunge. I have a feeling that is what this whole parenting thing is going to be like. Everyday you choose to get on again and everyday you are so glad you did. I hope I'm right! I am so excited to find out!
(And now after writing this the tears finally came, but today they are tears of joy. I can hardly wait!)

Comments

Katrina said…
yes pregnancy is a HUGE roller coaster!! I totally remember it (which is why I can't even think about it again!!) :) But you're right, it is all worth it in the end when you get to meet your little guy! (or girl in my case!) :) And you're right, Heavenly Father does know how you feel and makes a way for everything! Hang in there...you're so so close! :) I can't wait to meet him either! :)
January 22, 2009 at 8:16 PM
Rachel and Jared said…
Wow...you did a great job summing it up. That's exactly how I feel, except I've been complaining a lot lately. I am soo uncomfortable and I hurt everywhere!!! It's hard to think I will ever return to normal! I just can't wait to hold my little one in my arms! ahh when will she come?!
January 22, 2009 at 8:32 PM
Stephanie said…
I remember feeling the exact same way!

Don't worry about all of the physical discomforts...they really do ALL go away right after having the baby.

Your little one will be here so soon, and all of these worries will go away (to be replaced by new worries). I know you'll be a great mom!
January 22, 2009 at 8:42 PM
rebecca and eric said…
I love it. This is why people have babies two years apart or so, so we can have a break from pregnancy! And reading this is great birth control! But you're right, every day you choose to get on again and it is and will be wonderful! THis is why Eve made the choice she did too, to experience the good and the bad and love it! You're awesome. Hope today's an up day.
January 23, 2009 at 3:44 PM
~Aimee~ said…
Oh honey, I totally get it. First of all, pretty much all the discomforts, aches and pains of pregnancy DO go away. It doesn't seem conceivable during pregnancy, but your body does return to normal after awhile. :-) I never thought it would but it does. Granted there are some clothes that you may never wear again, because your body may change shape, even though you lose all the weight. But it's not too big of a deal. Anyway, pregnancy is one of the most exciting and terrifying times of your life. I found it much harder to deal with than the actual birth. But there is NOTHING EVER better than motherhood. I found it FUN from the very beginning. Your baby will be gorgeous and lovable and the best thing ever in your life. You'll have those days when all you do is sit on the couch and stare at this marvelous creature you've been entrusted with. And you know what? You'll know what to do. The majesty of your calling as a mother doesn't ever diminish and you'll discover your divine nature even more. Wow, I'm totally waxing philosophical here. Sorry it's so long. All in all, you have done, are doing and will continue to do just fine! You'll be great! :-D
January 24, 2009 at 11:45 AM
Marnie said…
You said it perfectly. Reading all your comments makes me wonder why we even get pregnant to begin with. It really is a crazy thing! Believe it or not though, as crazy as pregnancy is, the postpartum emotional roller coaster is the worst part for me. Not for every one but be prepared just in case. Aside from the emotional strain, I'm so excited for you guys. You will LOVE being a mom.
January 24, 2009 at 2:15 PM
Unknown said…
How fun that you are going to be having a baby so soon! I'm so excited for you.

Motherhood sure has it's ups and downs as well!

Good luck!
JAckie
January 24, 2009 at 2:41 PM
Greg and Alyssa said…
Ohhhh I'm sure we all could tell you stories, Becca. I truly, totally and completely HATED being pregnant. I can't even imagine doing that again (good thing you are already WAY prego or I'd feel bad telling you that haha) For me the good news was that it was all pretty much downhill from there. And Thad had colic, acid reflux and torticollis (rye neck) until he was about 4 months old, so that should tell you something. Especially once you get to about 8 months there is no way to describe how "done" you feel and how you totally don't believe people who say "soon". My immune system was shot by the end and I'm pretty sure I spent the majority of the last two weeks crying on the couch while Greg was at work and not sleeping at night. But, dude... the good part of that is that labor becomes the greatest relief EVER! I remember distinctly IMMEDIATE relief once he was actually born and then the previous nine months were like a dream. Sure your body might be different after that, but it won't ever be like THAT until you get pregnant again. Being invaded every month by doctors, feeling cramped and uncomfortable, not being able to sleep even when you are SO tired... it's just gone in an instant. Just hang on. You'll make it. And I promise at that point you'll become so caught up in every movement, every breath, every cry and every twitch you won't even notice time passing by. Even if he is somehow harder than Thad was as a newborn, you won't know the difference because you've never had a newborn before so it all seems normal to you, even if it is hard. I thank heavens for my ignorance. I might not have made it through otherwise. Cluelessness may be your saving grace... anyway, point is there is light at the end of the tunnel even though you can't see it and we've all been there so if you need anything, just holler.
January 24, 2009 at 10:07 PM
HeyJoe said…
Dude here.

Every parent goes through this; the doubts, etc. You'll be fine, MORE than fine because you're probably more sane than most. Stop worrying and enjoy it.
January 26, 2009 at 2:37 PM
Caleb and Suzy said…
O goodness. I had to laugh a whole lot while reading this post. i miss sleeping on my stomach already and I still have a while to go until delivery.
You'll do great. Can't wait for the post to see he has arrived.
Love, Suzy
January 27, 2009 at 2:06 AM
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